The Number 1 Workplace Skill You're Probably Ignoring (but Shouldn't)

They’ll stay quiet, they’ll nod along, they’ll even fake being sick just to dodge a tough conversation. Some will agree to things they don’t actually believe in – just to avoid rocking the boat.

And honestly, we’ve all done it. Even you (yes, you, the one raising an eyebrow right now).

Why?

Because as humans, our number one survival instinct is to belong. We want to be part of a group where we feel safe. In uncertain environments, where trust is low, speaking up can feel like stepping into a lion’s den. The risk of standing out or going against the flow seems too high.

So, we choose the safer route: we keep the peace.

But here’s the problem. Avoiding conflict doesn’t actually keep the peace – it creates bigger problems.

The real cost of avoiding conflict

1. It puts lives at risk

   Ever heard of The Asiana Airlines crash? A co-pilot saw a dangerous landing unfolding but didn’t speak up because he didn’t want to question authority. The result? A deadly crash that could have been avoided.

2. It kills good ideas

   Innovation thrives on debate. If no one is willing to challenge the status quo, nothing changes. Companies get stuck in the same old ways, even when better solutions exist.

3. It destroys customer service

   If employees feel they can’t speak up about bad processes, customers suffer. Instead of fixing the root cause of a problem, employees just smile and nod – leading to frustration on all sides.

4. It creates a culture of inefficiency

   When people don’t voice concerns, we get endless workarounds, unnecessary bureaucracy, and a whole lot of wasted time. Ever been in a company where everything takes three times longer than it should? That’s often a sign of fear-based silence.

Harvard Business School defines five common approaches to handling conflict: avoiding, competing, accommodating, compromising, and collaborating. Avoiding is by far the worst – it means nothing ever gets solved, and resentment builds under the surface.

Why people fear speaking up

Amy Edmondson, a Harvard professor, describes workplaces like these as having low psychological safety. In these environments, people feel that speaking up is risky, and keeping their heads down is safer.

But here’s the truth: Most of the fear we have about conflict exists in our heads. People tell me all the time: “I don’t speak up in meetings because I’m not well-liked.” But when I ask: “When was the last time someone got fired for voicing their opinion?” they usually have no answer.

The fear of conflict is almost always worse than the actual consequences of it.

Three types of workplace cultures

I like to group organisations into three categories based on how they handle conflict:

1. The “Disney” workplace

   Everything looks great. There are motivational posters on the walls, engagement surveys get glowing reviews – but behind closed doors, people will tell you how much it actually sucks to work there.

2. The “Box Jellyfish” workplace

   Everyone is paralyzed with fear. Nobody makes waves, nobody speaks up. The energy is low, innovation is dead, and employees just want to be left alone with their spreadsheets.

3. The “Italian Family” workplace

   People say what they mean. They debate, they challenge each other, sometimes even loudly – but after hashing it out, they hug it out and move forward together.

This last one? This is the healthiest workplace culture.

The most important skill: repair

Conflict isn’t the problem. The real problem is not knowing how to repair relationships after conflict happens.

In business, in marriage, in friendships – the ability to repair is everything.

Dr John Gottman, a psychologist who’s studied relationships for over 40 years, found that couples who can successfully repair after arguments are far more likely to stay together. In fact, he can predict with 90% accuracy which couples will get divorced based on how they handle conflict.

So, what does repair actually mean?

• It means listening. Not just waiting for your turn to talk, but really listening to understand.
• It means empathy. Seeing the situation through someone else’s eyes.
• It means owning your part. Even if you don’t think you were wrong, you can acknowledge how someone else feels.
• It means curiosity. Asking “What am I missing?” instead of “How can I prove I’m right?”
• It means collaboration. Finding solutions together instead of making it a power struggle.

What happens when you master repair?

• You build stronger relationships (at work and in life).
• You create mutual respect instead of silent resentment.
• You develop better teamwork (people want to work with those who listen and repair).
• You get better solutions because different perspectives are actually heard.

A simple recipe for repair

So, how do you put this into practice?

1. Catch yourself avoiding conflict. Notice when you’re holding back an opinion just to keep the peace.
2. Have the conversation. It might be uncomfortable, but push through.
3. Listen with an open mind. Drop the need to be right—focus on understanding.
4. Validate the other person’s experience. Say things like, “I can see why that upset you.”
5. Work together on a solution. Find a way forward that respects both sides.
6. End with appreciation. Even after tough conversations, acknowledge progress and effort.

Your challenge: Go pick a fight (and repair it)

I dare you: Go disagree with someone. Speak up in a meeting. Challenge a bad idea. Then, practice repairing.

Because avoiding conflict is easy, but learning to repair? That’s the skill that will take you anywhere in life.

Creating a workplace where people feel safe to speak up – and know how to repair when things get messy – doesn’t happen by accident. It requires intention, action, and the right partner to guide the way.

At BrandLove, we specialise in helping organizations craft high-performance cultures that drive business success. If you’re ready to create an environment where innovation thrives, customer service excels, and employees feel truly engaged, we’re here to help.

Let’s start the conversation. Email us at az.oc.evoldnarb@olleh to explore how we can elevate your team’s culture to new heights.